during khutbah juma yesterday, my heart yearned alot for the deen hearing the khatib speak... i felt fear of Allah during his recitations in solah.. i don't know how to explain it well.. the khutbah was about our beloved righteous example Rasulullah s.a.w. amidst the dawning of 12 Rabiulawal.
i have always had goosebumps and a yearning that leads to tears when khatib mentions in weekly juma, the names of sahabahs and good tidings for tabiin, tabi tabiin.. i long to follow these amazing people.. have their strong faith in Allah and such sincere love for Rasulullah s.a.w. i would always imagine the day i could understand well the parts of the khutbah in Arabic... mashaAllah. its such a cleansing amazing feeling to attend juma.
the 1st friday prayers i attended was in Makkah during umrah Ramadhan 2009.. i came back to Singapore thinking i will never have much chance to attend juma in Singapore what with limited space that is prioritized for men foremost..
mashaAllah a year later in Nov 2010, 2 months after leaving a decade-long job due to the realization of my deen, i landed a job in an environment which allows me freedom to don my hijab and abaya.. the freedom to perform my solah in a masjid in jemaah on time.. the chance i thought would never be possible of attending juma weekly. the knowledge the nudges Allah has granted me from his weekly instituition.. the students' adorable voices that goes "Aaaaamiiiinnnn..."
those adorable voices are my soothe that Allah gives to this heart. usually after zuhur or prior to dismissal a schoolful of children will recite selawat or nasheeds in their bestest might led by a soothing lead reciter.. my all time favourite is Hasbi Rabbi. it just warms this heart.. everytime i hear it, i have to hold back tears of joy.. of soothing joy Allah brings me. always i thank Allah for placing me here to feel the warmth of these young adorable knowledge seekers. may Allah purify the hearts of these little ones and grant them love and blessing always. amin.
back to the juma mentioned earlier... during the solah i teared easy during the khatib's Al-Fatiha recitation.. tears of fear.. fear i have not done much to show gratefulness to Allah for the loads i have been given. i usually don't feel this fear easily unless im hit with gut wrenching life episodes. i soaked in the meaning of Al-Fatiha realising how Allah has truly taken care to protect me.. to guide me.. to bring me here.. away from what i know is not true to my deen.
the khatib looked majestic in his white jubah and white sarban (cloth headgear) that wrapped his red songkok.. i imagined the respect and love he must have for Rasulullah s.a.w... may Allah be pleased with ustadh izal mustafa kamal, his wife and their offsprings... Amin.
there may be contradictions there may be heartbreaking moments there may be oppression from hurtful remarks but Allah's promise is, with tests HE gives along with it a companion of ease and the masjid.. those kids.. the instituition of juma.. the bond of friendship forged in knowledge seeking environments.. ease has overwhelmed the tests. alhamdulillah.
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