15th post - mashaAllah.. ViSA APPROVED!

a text from the good administrator (may Allah be pleased with Ustadh Muhammad Alkaff. Amin)...

Thursday, 7th Jun 2012 @ 7.30pm (Singapore)

Alhamdulillah again, Visa is ready...

i will update to you soon how and where to collect your Visa.

i had just arrived at Tradisi Halaqah for Syama'il Muhammadiyah. i smiled behind my niqab... as wide as one could have imagined... big teeth and all.. my heart was beating with continuous istighfars.. my tongue tugged by my heart (somehow.. really, really).. voiced an earnest Alhamdulillah. i held my Blackberry tight, really tight... i was trembling.

my head was filled with a clear voice.. "control jiwa.. control jiwa".. means control your heart (emotions)... an excellent phrase i overheard Noor Sarah reminding her 6 month old son when dear Mu'adz was giggling delighfully. what a perfect muslimah of a mother i thought to myself. mashaAllah this magnificient lady.. may Allah provide Noor Sarah and her lovely family, Jannah without hisab and the companionship of Rasulullah s.a.w. and ahli bayt in akhirah. Amin.

good muslimah equals good mother... hmm.. i think good muslimah equals good everything. just a simple phrase heard from her and benefits are for those Allah wills it to benefit from.. mashaAllah. tears and trembles during Qad Kaffani recital and Alhamdulillah i managed to calm myself down and enjoyed the lesson as i always have.

i have had thoughts on how to extend the news... to whom and made loads of du'a to be guided accordingly and have loads of adab especially. i know i failed at that tremendously the last time round so after a bout of self reflection and thoughts... i depended much on Allah to guide me. du'a is definitely the key.

one by one old aquaintances sprung, those whom i missed dearly but that due to my own lack of iman and adab, i have choosen to avoid. this is so i could work on myself. work on being better in the heart department so as to establish good relations, new or fresh from old with creations of Allah.

Allah works wonders. those of whom i knew i would tell, i told with ease and simplicity (Brat being my ever sturdy alumni-of-Ustadh-Ismaeil rock was first.. kewl!). believe it or not "suddenly sprung outta nowhere" though quite apt, is still bewildering.. mashaAllah. 

those i had doubts to extend the news (i doubt my ability to tell without feeling good about myself.. im that weak) either emerged fom nowhere dearly loved and missed or had situations where hei Dora, do come by, come along!

another those, Allah just showed me traits i never want to have and thus should steer clear of. i believe truly if one avoids the other or others solely for the sake of awareness towards Allah, for the sake of better-ing (i know!) oneself, well.. Allah HIMSELF will take care of it. seriously, who else can we depend on like for real, for real?

on that thought, another text later that night came to say that by Allah's grace... i will NOT need to go to KL to collect my Visa. Ustadh Muhammad's friend is also going Yemen and therefore will make a trip to KL to collect his Visa and mashaAllah mine as well. i won't ask. saya redha habis! i remembered my eased du'a just a few months ago,
"if its written for me to go Ya Allah then make ease for me Ya Rabb.."

Alhamdulillah. further good news, mashaAllah.. i have to just give my passport and USD100 (SGD130) to the person who called to say, "ok great, you live around here.. i'll be at En-Naeem from subuh onwards." 

so this morning before heading to work, i passed the necessary. khalas. inshaAllah khair. soooo... inshaAllah end of this month, Tarim yes? INSHAAAAAALLAH!!! *cue thoughts of control jiwa*